ADVANCED Lightsaber Defense
Muay Thai Essentials: Lightsaber Disarms
Everyone has wondered how they would respond to a mugging, a street fight, or a violent attacker who’s trying to kill you or someone around you. These are all formidable foes. However, the opponent we’re facing today isn’t someone you can fight while tweeting. We’re talking the baddest dude to wear the ugliest helmet: Darth Vader.
But, of course, we’re not going to let that whiny “nooooooooo!” crying baby threaten us. No, sir or ma’am! Formerly known as Skywalker, we’re going to pull this sumbitch to the ground and beat him with some Muay Thai. Without further ado, let’s get into it. Young padawan, here is your Jedi Master, Jason Lee:
How To Defend and Disarm A Lightsaber Attack from Darth Vader
Lightsabers are not easy to disarm. Especially because Force users are able to telekinetically pull them back to their hand at will like Thor with Mjölnir.
We are very thorough at Muay Thai Guy; therefore, a simple video will not do. Here, I will elaborate on basic tips you can follow when you’ve acquired the lightsaber and don’t want your assailant to steal back his weapon.
We begin firstly with range. If you’re close, use the lightsaber and chop the damn fool’s head off. Don’t be one to monologue after a victory lest you get your teeth punched out and head exploded. If you’re far, break the lightsaber. A simple snap over the knee should do the trick.
Let’s say that you broke the lightsaber but ol’ Vader still has some fighting spirit. He wants to force choke you.
Eliminate your neck. Now, I don’t mean for you to kill yourself. Just be like a turtle- shrink your neck as far down into your body as possible and raise those traps. The force can’t choke what Vader can’t see.
What then? Run for your life. Yup. Let’s face it: we don’t have much of a chance against Vader. Plus, if he feels like it, Vader could just blow up the planet with the Deathstar anyways. So, I guess that everything above is false. The best defense you could have is to play dead. Good luck!